Postcard to Alice #81011

Tomorrow is my Mother's birthday. She cradled me last week when I cried about everything. How I lost so much and gain so little. Today I finally called it quits, at least to myself. We talked and I could feel the coldness of his voice. His indifference, his honesty. I told him I'll wait for him, he said nothing. I am in love with this boy. This boy who caught me by surprise. I thought I could never love again, but here I am.

I admitted to a friend that I wanted to be with him, regardless of the differences. There's something remarkable between us. I told him I believed in fate. All he said was he could see fate but it's so far away out in the universe.

I am still in love with this boy, who couldn't love me the way I deserved to be loved. This is how he reasoned it out. Perhaps it's true. All I know is we're both not ready. Not now and maybe never. But I am in love with this boy and all I can do is cry.

I want to be ready for someone, it might be him or the last one. It might be a new one or it may never come. But all I know right now is that I am in love with a boy and that whatever this pain I'm going through will take time.

I am in love with you. However it may have been, what it will be, right at this moment I am in love with you. Tomorrow we will forget one another, but today I just want you to know...I am in love with you.