Postcard to Alice #90811

Here it is, not much to say but just getting by.

Getting by and being alone. There's so much here. I have lost words to say things to you. I know you would understand.

I will write, I hope I won't for a long time.

Postcard to Alice #90211

I remembered telling you I want to write about better days. But better days are days when I can no longer write.

I don't know how things will be or how things have changed, if they really have. But all I could tell you is that I walk the streets with smiles. I see buildings like peaceful giants waving by.

I no longer look at people's expressions, I hardly notice them anymore.

When I walk I feel my feet are lighter and my steps are with rhythm. I enjoyed reading and drinking alcohol and finding peace as I do this.

It's wonderful, however long it may last.

Postcard to Alice #90111

I have fixed things, perhaps one of the most important things. My Dad.

All of the things that went wrong with all of the boys in my life was a result of my anger for my Dad.

Now that has changed I feel relieved. Much better and hopeful.

Postcard to Alice #83011

I opened my stack of photos and I did and can only one love one boy. I can't lie.

Travel Guide

Our talks have become a travel guide.
Each sentence, words and phrases
has become a map to the best sites to see.
Some for recreation and
most are for discoveries.
You give tips to the best museums,
I give hints to scrumptious restaurants.
Then like any travel guide,
it's unreliable and hard to decipher.
We encounter unfamiliar places and routes.
We get lost and we desperately seek
our way back to the route written on the guide.
Our conversations are like travels
to a country called life.

Postcard to Alice #82911

Today I spent time with friends. It's time for me to get back and stop this solitary confinement. It's been written, said, done and cried about. I have expressed anger, madness and above all love (whatever that means).

I have thought about it, wished and wondered. I believe it is time for me to be back to where I was and not ostracize myself from the rest of the world. We talked about life, him and me.

How things are and will be. I have no conclusions laid ahead of me. I have no written endings and I have no unfortunate expectations.

I am here, just here waiting for the sun to rise and to set at the same time. Waiting for my favorite song to be played on the radio. I just want to stay still and just watch as the world pass me by. To not wait and just be contented with the sight I see, because it is clear and subtle.

Postcard to Alice #82511

I want to write nice things to you Alice, however this place I'm in its just full of miserable and unkind things. I'm trying to fight with all my might but it seems I'm losing.

I want to tell you how wonderful the day was, but I don't know what the day is like anymore. I'm trapped here at night, I keep working at night with nothing to look forward to. I hardly see the sun and I hardly see the people that matters to me.

I keep asking God, what have I done to have deserved such unlucky streak of events? For years I try to look forward to things and to the future, but here I am broken.

Alice, how I want to hold those moments. When will they come again?